The year was 1982; I went to bed a happy healthy 17 year old and the following morning I could barely get out of bed. I felt hollow inside, I felt cold, I felt too tired and I felt alone. But more than anything I felt scared. Was I dreaming? Was this really happening to me? Sadly it was real and it was horrible. The months that followed were beyond unbearable. My attempted suicide was not a result of an undiagnosed mental illness or a mistreated mental illness. My attempt to end the pain and end my life was a result of a medication that completely changed my mind and took control of my emotions.
The year was 1995 and my father took his life; he was only 57. Some would say he may have been suffering from depression but I would argue that something else was wrong. He had so much to live for. He had 2 loving daughters and 3 adorable granddaughters. He was in excellent health and had just taken an early retirement from 30 years of service to the government. But what he also had was guilt. Guilt for something he did that he felt was unforgivable. Guilt in my opinion took my fathers life not mental illness.
The year was 2012; Jacintha Saldanha hung herself after the embarrassment over falling for a needless prank that was played on her during Kate Middletons hospital stay. Embarrassment and professional shame not mental illness took her life.
The Year was 2014 and Peyton James was a beautiful 13 year old soul who was relentlessly bullied until he took his own life. Bullying ended his life not mental illness
When someone takes their life they also take with them their darkest secrets; however we have to stop assuming those secrets are entwined with mental illness. If we focus only on better mental health care and reducing the stigma of mental health then I fear we are going to miss so many other people that desperately need our help. While I don’t deny there is a need for better education, better resources and reducing the stigma of mental health I would also argue that we need help in becoming better human beings. We need to treat people with more compassion, we need to stop judging people by their physical appearances, by their socioeconomic level, by their education level, by the houses they live in or the cars they drive, or by the people they love. We need to think before we act and we need to think about the possible consequences to our actions and we need to think about how we make other people feel. We must learn empathy, sympathy and compassion like never before.
Behind every suicide story is a family grieving, trying desperately to find the answers as to why and trying to figure out what they could have done differently. While I don’t begin to have all the answers that they are seeking I do know that this isn’t a one size fits all problem. I know that we can do better. I know that we can learn to love each other in spite of our differences. I know that we can live by the golden rule and sincerely treat others as we would like to be treated. We can listen more and speak less, we can listen to understand and not to defend. We can forgive more and hold grudges less. We can remember that we are all on this journey called life and the more we hold each other’s hands and travel together the better this journey will be.
Even if this isn’t the answer just imagine what a better world we would live in.
#bethankful #behelpful #bekind